It's the final day of the Kiss of Death countdown and it's been a hell of a ride— not for us— but for Ron DeSanctimonious. In just 60 days, his campaign has cratered in the polls, lost their donors propping up their bloated operation, and let their candidate clown himself every single day on the campaign trail. Along the way, they've fired half their staff, and shipped their remaining people to Iowa (some have refused to go like Christina Pooshaw). He's also lost major endorsements from his closest allies.

 

Was all of this worth it, Ron? Was it worth selling your soul to the devil Jeff Roe because you thought you could buy the presidency? He has you on a leash and walks you like a dog. Maybe you're into that type of stuff.

 

The Kiss of Death Countdown has been such a hit with reporters, DeSanctus staffers, and Always Back Down employees that we have some big news to announce. The daily hits on DeSanctus will continue because we won't ever stop. The "end" will be an everlasting experience DeSanctus will have to endure until he gets it through his thick skull that he has no shot to be the nominee, let alone the president.

 

The only way we'll stop is when DeSanctus returns to the Epcot Center, where all his issues began, and starts singing "It’s a Small World After All" while taking the Drinking Around the World Tour, because that's the closest he'll ever become to being a world leader.

 

Until then, can't stop, won't stop.